Teenage Trainwreck

Life is starting to feel right.

No matter if 10 years go by, and I’m not with you. My heart will always belong to you. If I go to sleep with someone else I will think of you. I didn’t ask to fall in love at such a young age. It was out of my control.

I love you.

There are some things in life that people may not understand. Let’s get real, not every one thinks as much as I do, and I’m not trying to sound up my self. I just want this to be out here for the people who don’t relieze, or don’t quite know yet…..

- Your small problems that are happening now ( Your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you; your parents won’t let you go to some party; highschool drama bullshit; and ittle everyday issues) won’t matter! It won’t whether it’s in a few weeks, days, or minutes. Now I’m not telling you that you’re not allowed to cry, or feel. While you’re crying or just being upset just relize that you will be ok, and you will make it through. Relize you’re strong, and hold onto that strength.

- Not everyone you meet will stay in your life. Now I know that I can pretty much figure out who will be in close contact with me for life, and if not then a very long time. But for the people that won’t then that is ok. Some people just simply come into your life to teach you something. You may not relize it at the time but, one day you will. When you do be thankful. No matter how much you hate that person, they taught you something.

-Laugh. Just seriously take some time, and fucking laugh! No matter how hard your life is, because my life isn’t peaches, and cream. Sometimes I do forget to laugh, but luckily I have my friends to remind, and help me. If you just laugh for a second, you can see that you’ll be okay, and that there is something good in life. 

Life is worth it so don’t let it pass you by.

Though you or not reading this, nor ever will….I want you to know….

This…this seems to be a never ending cycle. I enter a relationship, and give my all. Put my dreams, hope, and heart in their hands. They shut them, and hold on for alittle while. Then something goes wrong, and everything is let loose…..I collapse, and become breathless. I struggle but, I slowly get up to start again. It’s my second time being knocked down, and I hope I can get back up quicker this time. I can’t blame Tyler, and I can’t say he isn’t worth it. He was, so what if I fell in love with lies? I fell in love, and gave my all. Even though I continue to see it as weakness, it is actually a sign of stregth. To put entire heart into someone knowing they could easily tear it, and me apart. That requires strength, courage. I’ll never regret loving…I don’t regret things, and I could never regret such a beautiful thing. As much as it hurts, it is time to get back up again. Dammit this hurts so much! This has to be done, and it will be. I refuse to close my heart again….I will continue to move. Continue to walk, talk, laugh, love, and breathe. I will be….ok. I will be loved.

Let’s pretend again. Pretend I’m fine, pretend my self-esteem is high. Pretend that everyday I wake up I’m fine. I’ve pretended my whole life…..it’s starting to get pretty hard.

I have a guy bestfriend, and I’m just generally better with guys. Though I do want a girl whom I can call my sister.